A TRUE FRIEND

Proverbs 27.5-6, 17
A TRUE FRIEND
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

WE ARE NOT MADE TO BE ALONE, SO IT IS no wonder that we like company. But what company we surround ourselves with can make a difference between wise living and foolish existence. Proverbs has much to say about friends and friendship, and we do well to heed its counsel.

Firstly, Solomon warns against fair-weather friends. He observes that "...the rich have many friends," for "wealth brings many friends...." (14.20; 19.4). They flock to you for your money or for what you can give them, status and favours. But a true friend sticks with you through thick and thin; he "loves at all times" (17.17). On our part, we must show the same loyalty, and cherish old friends, for a friend can sometimes be even closer than our brother (27.10; 18.24).

Secondly, Solomon alerts us to the flattering tongue of a pseudo-friend. "Whoever flatters his neighbour is spreading a net for his feet" (29.5). (In Proverbs, "neighbour" is translated from the same word as "friend"; the English word "fellow" covers both meanings.) Someone who sweet-talks you is not your true friend. He is doing you a disservice by inflating your ego and leading you into a trap of false illusions.

Finally, Proverbs highlights the quality of true friendship. We are left in no doubt that such friendship involves pain. Solomon speaks of "open rebuke" and "wounds from a friend" (27.5,6). These are better than the kisses of an enemy, as Solomon found in Joab, and Jesus in Judas. A true friend tells you your fault to the face. But we don't usually find rebuke or criticism an easy pill to swallow.

In Renewing Your Spiritual Passion (1986), Gordon MacDonald writes about the need for "Special Friends," of which he lists six kinds. One of them is "The Rebuker." He says (page 187), "One rarely grows without a rebuke. One solid and loving rebuke is worth a hundred affirmations. Rebukes are the purifiers which keep spiritual passion clear and forceful."

If we want to grow, we must not be afraid of friends who rebuke us in love. In fact, we should look for such friends. As steel cuts steel, "iron sharpens iron" (v.17), so friends file the rough edges off one another. In the process, heat is bound to be generated and sparks to fly. But in the end, we are both better for it. Such is the stuff of genuine friendship.

Do I have a rebuker and sharperner for a friend?